Several weeks ago I was speaking with a student who had recently found out their parents had to say goodbye to the family dog. They had shared this with someone else on campus and was met with a well-intentioned but ultimately unsupportive comment inquiring if and when they may get another fur baby. For this student, how they were met in this moment of grieving was raw and overwhelming. They shared that this experience made them want to close up and not share with others what they were navigating.
As a witness to this student’s pain and grieving, I was reminded of my own losses—both four-legged and two-legged—and how in these times I wasn’t sure how I would make it through to another side—any side, of these waves of feelings I was navigating.
Grief is a universal experience, yet one often overlooked and inadequately addressed in the fast-paced world of higher education. As faculty, staff, and administrators, we encounter students and colleagues grappling with loss in various forms – the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a dream, or even the loss of a sense of normalcy due to current world events. Recognizing and understanding grief’s impact on our academic and social communities is crucial for fostering a supportive and inclusive environment.
Why Grief Matters
Studies reveal a significant reality within our institutions: 30-36% of students experience a major loss within their first two years, which rises up to 60% by graduation. This translates to a high likelihood of having students and colleagues navigating grief journeys in every classroom and department. It’s crucial to remember that these experiences are unique and require a supportive environment.
Grief can manifest in diverse ways, significantly impacting various aspects of a person’s life. It can affect their academic performance, mental and physical health, and overall well-being. Ignoring grief can lead to increased levels of stress, anxiety, and even depression.
Dismissing the reality of grief can have a significant impact on the community by creating a culture of silence and isolation within our institutions, hindering the development of connections and support systems. This can further negatively impact the individuals experiencing loss.
Building a Grieving-Aware Community
Creating a community that acknowledges and supports individuals navigating grief requires a multi-pronged approach:
1. Acknowledge and Normalize: Openly discussing the reality of grief in our community is crucial. By normalizing conversations about loss and its diverse expressions, we remove the stigma and discomfort associated with sharing experiences. This allows individuals to feel less alone and more comfortable seeking support.
2. Educate Yourself: Gaining an understanding of the different types of grief, its impact on individuals, and the available support resources is essential. This knowledge equips you to better assist and guide those experiencing loss, providing informed and compassionate support.
3. Create Safe(r) Spaces: Providing confidential spaces, such as grief support groups or individual counseling services, ensures individuals have a safe haven to share their experiences without judgment. These spaces offer a platform for connection, expression, and validation, fostering a sense of understanding and community.
4. Be Flexible and Understanding: When someone experiences a significant loss, adapting academic expectations and deadlines demonstrates compassion and support. Offering extensions, alternative assignments, or compassionate leave can alleviate their burden and allow them to navigate their grief journey without jeopardizing their academic success.
5. Show Empathy and Support: Actively listening and validating the emotions of those grieving is crucial. Letting them know they are not alone and offering resources for help shows genuine care and support. This can make a significant difference in their journey towards healing.
6. Model Self-Care: Acknowledging your own limitations is vital. By engaging in self-care practices and maintaining your own well-being, you become a more effective and supportive presence for others. This ensures you can provide sustainable support without experiencing burnout.
7. Direct Students to Resources: Providing clear information about available support services, such as counseling centers or online resources on grief management, empowers individuals to access the specific support they need. This allows them to take ownership of their healing journey and utilize the resources available to them.
8. Be Mindful of Your Limitations: While offering support, recognize that there might be situations requiring professional help. Encourage individuals to seek professional assistance when needed, ensuring they have access to the comprehensive support they deserve.
Additional Resources:
- The Dougy Center
- The Jed Foundation
- The Center for Loss & Life Transition
- The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
Remember, grief is a complex and deeply personal journey but it doesn’t have to be one we navigate on our own. By leading with heart and intention, we can create a grieving-aware community within higher education institutions, fostering environments where individuals feel supported and empowered to navigate their journeys through loss with understanding and compassion.
